


To Be Alive

by orphan_account



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: John Texts Sherlock’s Number, M/M, Messages for Sherlock, Post-Reichenbach, Texting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-28
Updated: 2018-11-04
Packaged: 2019-08-08 15:31:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16432097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: In that case I wish for the night to never turn day,for the time to freeze, for the world bring me fair,because you used to brighten up my world, you mad man,how can I smile again when the only person that let me smile,is gone to a world unbeknownst to the living? JW





	1. October 27, 2012

**Author's Note:**

> A story told through texts holding a poetic narration.
> 
> And I hope this piece of my heart is a good read for you, reader.
> 
> Enjoy.

October 27, 2012

 

**3:45 AM**

I love you,

words of mine that went unspoken,

words that this blasted doctor isn’t sure,

not sure they would’ve change the aftermath. JW

 

**3:47 AM**

Your burial, 

at the rise of the sun, when the city is full of noise,

thinking of seeing you, your lifeless form,

sickens me, makes my breath stop, my eyes close,

I don’t want you to stop running, you mad man, 

I don’t want you to stop brightening the world, you mad man. JW

 

**3:54 AM**

In that case I wish for the night to never turn day,

for the time to freeze, for the world bring me fair,

because you used to brighten up my world, you mad man,

how can I smile again when the only person that let me smile,

is gone to a world unbeknownst to the living? JW

 

**3:58 AM**

I can not expose my pain,

if they don’t see my soul, they won’t know,

that a fragment of my being has gone,

chasing the stars right besides you. JW

 

**4:10 AM**

Your brother has offered to drive me to the worst day of my life. JW

 

**4:35 AM**

Bloody hell, I love you, you mad man. JW

~

The world for once granted silence to the mourning man, lying not in his room, clutching a pillow not of his own.

The sky cried with him in attempt of comfort. JW

~

**4:36 AM**

My return can not be made,

my heart aches, my hand clutches my heart,

for the pain i’m inflicting on my dearest John,

is worse than any pain existent in Earth. SH

 

**4:38 AM**

My desire to get off this moving plane is high,

but I must follow the correct path,

for a worse pain than leaving you,

is losing you for an eternity. SH

 

**4:49 AM**

But you are wrong, my dearest,

my heart still goes with you,

my tears still go with yours,

but most importantly, 

my love goes with you. SH

 

**4:49 AM**

And the truth of it shall be unveiled. SH

 

_Messages saved as a draft._

~

Head reclining back in despair, hand holding a mobile over his beating heart and damp eyes shut tightly. Hurt not for him but for the doctor.

As his sincerest feelings shouldn’t have been unveiled under the heavy weight of resignation and grief.


	2. October 29, 2012

October 29, 2012

 

**10: 14 PM**

Two days ago,

your friends bid you goodbye,

two days ago,

they saw no presence of my own. JW

 

**10:15 PM**

Seeing you depart so permanently,

froze me at our door,

no matter how much I tried,

I couldn’t step out into my new reality. JW

 

**10:18 PM**

But your grave I faced blankly today,

I spoke words you wouldn’t hear,

but sometimes it would be like that,

so it felt like a familiar event. JW

 

**10:19 PM**

I would speak, you would nod,

but I took no hurt from it,

your mind is far too busy,

far too full of a beautiful brilliance. JW

 

**10:25 PM**

Brilliant,

astounding,

genius. JW

 

**10:26 PM**

Would you not come back?

would you not come back to take those kind words?

would you not come back for me to see those eternal eyes lighting up with glee?

would you not come back to be the detective this world needs? JW

 

**10:31 PM**

Would you not fill this cold solitude that’s eating me from inside? JW

~ 

His hand slowly lowered his mobile, shoulders hunched, heart colder than the london drafts. He placed a hand on the stone, gave it a pat, then another. He traced the golden letters tenderly.

He walked off, carrying his aching leg heavily.

~

**1:12 AM**

My dearest Watson,

I’m aiming high,

flying high. SH

 

**1:13 AM**

I’m searching the root,

the reason for the world to be dark,

for the reason our lives have turned into dust. SH

 

**1:14 AM**

I’m seeking the festering,

those with venom in their bloods,

those with cruelty in their veins and,

violence in their soul. SH

 

**1:20 AM**

I’m fretful in my sleep,

wondering why you are not besides me,

wondering how long you will hold. SH

 

**1:20 AM**

London will see me again,

undoubtedly you as well my dearest,

the loveliest, the kindest, the bravest. SH

 

**1:23AM**

The only consolation,

that lulls me into sleep,

is knowing that one day,

the pillow next to me won’t be cold. SH

 

_Messages saved as a draft._

~ 

The clock ticked annoyingly on the wall, each panging _tik tok_ , jabbing at his mind accusingly. How cruel time could be, making the enjoyment of people happen in a snippet and their suffering extend to a lifetime.

The rustle of covers accompanied his movement, shifting, draping an arm over his side, hand splayed, touching the fresh wool bedding delicately.

Imagining it was him, sleeping soundly, peacefully, at ease.

Not in pain.


	3. October 30, 2012

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still assigning a date for weekly updates and still debating on whether one or two times a week.

October 30, 2012

 

**7:49 AM**

Now that I have awaken, 

my sleep hazed brain was addled with images,

that have left me to wonder,

whether I’m letting my sanity grow nuller each day. JW

 

**7:54 AM**

A billowing coat,

untameable thufts of curly hair,

black dressing shoes and,

trousers crafted by the hands of a connoisseur. JW

 

**7:57 AM**

Christ I must be losing my mind,

clinging excessively to the past,

to what it used to be,

and what will never be. JW

 

  **8:12 AM**

The demons of my past,

that want to renew,

their stay in my life as,

gone forever they were not. JW

 

**8:13 AM**

My leg buckles under my weight,

the ache at times unbearable,

why is it that your leave,

has brought back the curse of a harsh truth? JW

 

**8: 14 AM**

Why is it that I seem to have forgotten how to walk?

why is it that I have forgotten already your touch?

why is it that I can't seem to stop thinking,

of the little times our skin grazed together? JW

 

**8:19 AM**

Why is it me the only soul in this damned Earth,

that has taken your death with a dying heart?

why is it that I can not stop shaking,

when I wake and see you gone? JW

 

**8:22 AM**

Why is it that my foolish heart still prepares tea for two?

Foolish man that I am...

Foolish man that I am...

Idiot man that I am... JW

~

Phone clenched in a hand, staring, getting lost in the cold numbness of the London sky.

And no matter how sure he was of his sanity, his body told him otherwise.

 ~

**4:49 AM**

I do not advise you to make contact with your beloved doctor Watson.

Even though you’ve decided going against forwarding them.

One can not be harmed by the assurance that if your resolve were to break, there won't be a mess to clean.

That you won't connect your soul with his forever. MH

 

**5:30 AM**

Then how will I keep my resolve strong if I am not able to,

say the unsaid and feel the unfeeling,

at least pretend that I am someone,

that hasn't cut half of his limbs, half of his heart, half of his soul? SH

 

**5:32 AM**

Brother mine, have you no logic of what brutalising half a body from someone can do?

Truly, I hope, you aren't as idiotic as I think you are, to have at least learnt the nature of wounds on the human body.

A living one at that.

Would you make the cut, Mycroft? SH

 

**5:36 AM**

Kindly,

thoroughly,

sod

off. SH

 

**5:37 AM**

The Game is Over.

The Truth is On. SH


End file.
